Maurice's barbaric YAWP

10 Reasons To Oppose Marriage Equality

10個「反對」同性伴侶婚姻平等保障的理由

張宏誠 譯

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

1. 搞同性戀是不自然的。正港的台灣人一定要拒絕不自然的東西，像是眼鏡、塑膠製品以及冷氣。

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

2. 准許同性婚姻無疑鼓勵人們都去搞同性戀，就好像跟高個子的人混在一起，就會讓你也覺得高人一等。

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

3. 同性婚姻平等保障就好像是打開潘朵拉的盒子，所有亂七八糟的東西都會跑出來。人們可能也可以跟他們的寵物結婚，因為狗先生也有人權，也應該可以簽署結婚證書、登記結婚。

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all like many of the principles on which this great country was founded; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

4. 異性戀婚姻從盤古開天以來就存在，道理也不曾改變，女子要遵守三從四德，同姓也不可以結婚，一旦結婚只有七出的份。

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of marriages like Britney Spears' would be destroyed.

5. 一旦同姓伴侶婚姻平等保障，將使得異性戀婚姻的神聖價值蕩然無存，就連李進良偉大的神聖的婚姻都會因此被摧毀。

6. The only valid marriages are those which produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

6. 結婚最重要也是惟一的目的就是要生小孩。同性伴侶、不孕伴侶、老年伴侶都不應該結婚，因為無家可歸的小孩還不是滿街都是，我們還需要繼續增產報國。

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

7. 既然異性戀父母只會教出異性戀小孩，那當然同性戀父母也就只會教出同性戀小孩。

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.

8. 同性伴侶婚姻平等保障不被宗教所認同。在一個神權政治的國家，單一宗教的價值觀必須被貫徹到整個國家，這也是為什麼美國只有一個宗教。

9. Children can never succeed without both a male and female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

9. 在家裡沒有一個兼具一男一女的生活典範教導下，小孩永遠長不大。這也就是為什麼我們強烈禁止單親家庭生養小孩。

10. Gay marriages will never change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy or longer life spans.

10. 這樣一個不自然的同性伴侶婚姻平等保障，一定無法動搖社會基礎，也永遠不會讓我們被迫要接受新的社會規範，就好像我們應該拒絕開車、永遠以物易物，也不要活太久。